It was 4 am, now 5 and the mind had been awakened, questioning, reasoning, erasing, curious, had been there before, as the “time laps” camera speeding up the unfolding of a bud to a full blown wild petals of colour, a thousand petals, breathing out perfume, and was drunk and forgot the world that unfolded in perpetual movement where man made his entrance, naked, unaware, being this perpetuality of ever expanding, nameless movement
Life is rushing by,
throbbing fragile beauty
Is the whole
motions the Universe
Held in passion in love
this life we live
Life begins with a sense of longing for itself.
A rare occasion, drove me into a small cafe, in the nearest village, growing dark earlier in November,
Children walk in gregariously with grandparents, parents, after school break…order Churros and Chocolate, in lightness and innocence…
Mothers proudly roll in their strollers, tiny babies decorated with stylish bows and shining cheeks, every one is delighted and peers inside, baby is scared and shakes, over stimulated…
Older children are oblivious of adults and soon bury their heads in their smartphones and live their secret lives…whilst granny patiently asked for what he wishes to have…his wishes are not in the realm of her imagination…they live worlds apart…still in this village, centuries the same but not now.
I watch the granny spooning her coffee shakily into her mouth, stroking the crumbs with her old hands unto a paper serviette, she is neat in her beige cardy and pearls, knowing she has nothing to say to the beloved grandson sitting by her side.
Their distance is tangible even across the noisy room.
Huge TV monitor hangs high over the space, an alter, spreading images, sounds of fierce battles between gorgeous women, men with exaggerated manliness, battling for good, slaying, murder, chase and torture to save some great ideal… noise is deafening, images so wild my senses are in shock yet others seem oblivious, have grown accustomed as all a background entertainment…rolls on and on…
I pay and get into my car, turn the radio on to hear the news, there too as the man speaks, a hurried electro drumming is chasing the spoken words, a crescendo, louder and louder, winding up the bad news into a frenzy every one has grown used to hear and forget to just get over another day!
The shops are full, Christmas is near, people have to do whatever they have learnt to do…
The planet is still rotating it’s usual speed, taking a few moments more or less, we are assured that moonrise and sunsets will follow to hold us in the promise of wholeness even though we play hard to play our virtual games, getting more real until we no longer differentiate the line in between…
Clinics are full, experts profit, tattoo artists make a killing, drugs are ever more sought, if not in secret in hospitals and big pharma growing, growing,
Every one has a solution and every one is in pain, people inventing methods upon methods to take a break, sit cross legged, repeat a mantra, join a group, sing a song, give a hug or take one…feel connected a moment or two to return to daily drudgery of survival in a lonely hole, concrete block, TV and all, to just pass another day, a night to pay the bills and call it a life!
Yes we laugh and dance, dress up wild as occasions allow, Halloween, day of the dead…all in regular intervals allowing out some release from pressure.
It’s hard to hold on to sanity watching these games all in fun whilst others are truly dying babies in arm, drowning, hip deep in sinking mud, buried under rubbles, laying slayed in pool of blood whilst we party in feathers and sequins…all to forget, forget our violence in momentary ecstasy.
What have we done to this living?
The moment that is new is when eyes open, breathless,
View formations, changes upon clouds, having shed their weight over thirsty land
Now, catching last lights of the sinking sun, slowly, slowly moving on………..
Breathless you stand gazing upon the timeless land.
It’s a silky silent night to disturb and write…
But the hooting of the owl, trilling of one lone cricket nothing moves but the mind.
Almost a benediction holds the stars touching the earth, night dew gathers softly around what vegetation remains of rains of the past…
Oh the mind, the mind wants to be, to be, feels throbbing of the body, wanting to disturb rudely this nothingness…..
not in fear but persistent feel, feeling the being here, now in this silence a witness who wants to say, I bear witness, only this I, the observer of nothingness that holds finite infinity that knows no time or measure….
All at once is here, right now, here, here…listen….
The owl does not tire, nor the cricket…holding this holy silence of the night!
To be awake to our passing thoughts, passing moods, rising and falling emotions needs enormous interest with passion to look deep beyond the layers to discover this entity I call the I!
To be called upon, out of the blue, incident of years gone by, joyous or painful, hits us deeply!
It seems all the “felts” of the past are captured on recorded slices waiting silently to be awakened by a thought.
It seems that all “time” past through present is there at once!
Yet we look at our hands, feet, face and wonder who is this I?
This I is drawn to revel, repeat and relive that that gave it substance and ecstasy, yet shudder when the pains of past hurts open up and bleed the heart.
Who is this I if it were not for the “Felts”?
What is that feeling when the moon begins to rise, the sun slipping behind the hills leaving a rapture of colours painting the clouds, the waving branches, bathing of birds, playing of children, old man, woman taking shaky steps…….Is love a feeling?